She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
How's work?
Spinning.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
