when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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