I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
