Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
