I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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