god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
