I understand Curling. That high.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
