I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Randomize
