I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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