btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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