The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
