Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
