I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
