I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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