The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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