Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
