Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
