you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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