did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
