alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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