White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
