Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
