What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
