So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it was like eating out sand paper
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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