the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
