Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You made out with two different species that night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
