And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
