Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
