sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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