When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
