How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
