My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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