im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
