I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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