I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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