I hate your face
She announced her abortion via fbk
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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