It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
