Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
