my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
