He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The adults are the big ones right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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