She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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