I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I need moral support for this bender
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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