Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
