They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Blood and glitter go together right?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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