They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
