Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
