Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
