Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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