just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
