I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
