I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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