I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
