Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
