I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
