the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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